Closing Time

8 days, 7 hours, 43 minutes, 27 seconds and 1 year left in school!!!!

The school year is coming to the end and even though I can barely wait for it to be over, I know that the experiences and life I've lived will never be repeated again. I'm gonna miss it. This year has been pretty fun. The classes I've taken have been pretty nice (No math HW everyday!) and I've definitely learned a lot from how to be a better writer to doing differential calculus (one of those is going to be more helpful and more fun). This is also probably going to be the end of my blog too and posting things on this, while often difficult and stressful, has been a lot of fun. I'm not sure how great my grammar and vocabulary are on these posts - actually I'm pretty sure its not good horrible, I fixed the times I used "gonna" at least - I've been able to write about some things I'm interested in, whether its politics or my ravings about uncertainty and randomness.

Even saying this, I can't honestly say I don't want school to end. I think I know a too many seniors because recently I have sometimes found that I really don't want to do work sometimes. Of course I was forced to combat this laziness because I'm not accepted into college, I have several AP exams to study for, and school is not over yet. Unfortunately, like everyone else, I'm still at least slightly affected by the phenomenon.

However, I still can't believe that the school year is over already. It feels like just yesterday, I was a brand new Freshman coming in from middle school. Since then, I've made tons of friends, gotten my driver license, and attended so many events. Yet somehow, it still feels like the time has just flown past. I can't believe that I'm only a year way from college and less than a year way from becoming a legal adult. Sometimes I think that I've accomplished a lot and sometimes I think I've done almost nothing in the last couple years. Either way, high school so far has been a very interesting experience. I only have one year left and though I can't wait for college, I know that I will never get go through the unique institution known as high school again.

P.S: Differential Calculus is definitely not fun

Just a random poem (Not a AP Lang Post) Also makes no sense. Oh well

On the beach I saw a man
With a dog he didn't have
and this man I could not see
who had a dog that didn't breath

He Stopped and looked back  at me
This man of gray and sorrow
"Why do you stare at me so"
said the man I see
"Is it that you hate me so
Or envy my misery"

So we stared on and on
Into the bitter night
Watching in the mirror
Looking, without sight
As I watched the man stood
alone, at last, himself


So I stood alone
Surrounded by glowing sand
I saw the man I could not see
Dissolve away at last

I Wish I Knew What I was Doing (or why we're always just guessing)

I recently came across a comic that provided a very interesting viewpoint on the choice I'm going to have to make in the coming years. The comic along with this video puts a comic voice on a very real problem. I know that maybe this year or next year, definitely sometime during college, I have to decide on what major I'm going to do. The direction I chose is going to have a great impact on the rest of my life. Of course I can always change majors (my brothers changed majors like 3 times) afterwards or chose a different job after I graduate, but likely I will try to stick to whatever career path I decide in the next couple of years and its going to decide a large part of the rest of my life.

When I chose the title of this blog, I wanted something that reflected my personality and outlook on life. Taking a suggestion (joke) from my friend, I decided to focus on my inability to make decisions sometimes - or as my mom says, "Stop saying I don't know. What do you want for dinner!". In life, I find that we all too often have to make decisions, always with insufficient data available. We never know exactly what will happen moment to moment or what the ramifications of everything we do will have. Many decision really don't matter that much like what to eat or drink, but these small decisions and large decisions often add up and I often feel like I'm just sort of guessing whats going to happen. For example, we take tests all the time in school. I'll never know for sure what exactly is going to be on the test so I'm not sure what to study. I'm not even going to mention the guessing that sometimes has to occur while taking the test, but even after tests, I've often learned how I thought I did often has little affect on how I actually did. This is just a small example of what every person on earth deals with on a day to day basis, but we still all manage to get by. Our peronal views of the world only being shattered every now and then.

Of course, the decisions we make in everyday life are fairly insignificant. We can mess some, guess on others, and even postpone a couple and we're still pretty much fine. However, the large decisions like which college to go to, who to date (or marry), where to live, or what job to take will have incredibly long lasting impacts. And these are the decisions we have the least information on. At least I can guess what will happen if I don't study for a test. Its impossible for me to know exactly what affect going to a specific college will have on me. After all, Who will I meet? What professors will I have? Will a tornado pick up my dorm and drop me in the ocean? These are questions none of us can even begin to answer. But life is life. Who knows if the next car I ride in will be hit by a truck or maybe I'll win the lottery. But I have a feeling that for the rest of my life there will be one constant, whether its writing lang essays or deciding what restaurant to eat at, I will be thinking and feeling that "I wish I knew what I was doing".